Entries from August 2008 ↓

• @joefromkenyon That’s a relief but I can’t help but think you’re bad parents for leaving the cute baby skunk to fend for itself. Seriously. #
• Wait a minute. I’m on vacation. It’s 9:30p. The kid is taken care of. The wife is out. Why in the Sam Hell am I still awake???? Good night! #
• Eating pizza with @popejephei. Tweeting this at his request. #
• It’s labor day. And if you’re like me the one thing you can’t stand is a labor day free of Halloween decorations. This grocery store doe … #

• Preparing for a Maine lobster roll. A little worried about the quantity of mayo. Hopefully the lobster isn’t back to swimming. #
• The Maine lobster roll issue would have made more sense If I’d hit send last night. It was decent-not swimming. #
• At car show on an old air force base hoping to be reunited with my old Jetta. They show those right? #
• @popejephei no making fun of Idaho. Unless you spent 12 to 15 years there you have no idea how pathetic it really is. #

My brother and I talked this AM about politics.  He mentioned a friend of his who leans conservative.  This friend, he’s a pilot for an air cargo company.

So I asked:

Does he make $1 million a year? No.

Does he have some other monetary wealth, a few million dollars worth?  No.

Does he have land, some tangible assets, etc., that amount to a few million dollars in value?  No.

So I asked:

What does he have to conserve?

My brother’s answer: well, not much.

(BTW, this is totally stolen from Peter Harris who expressed it far more eloquently than me.)  (Maybe he also stole it from someone — I don’t know.  Or, really, care.)

• Visiting 87 yo grandmother. Lunch? Takeout from local hospital cafeteria. Yes - really. #

• On way home from drinking with he work crew. Fun. Hopefully I can sober up enough to avoid the bed spins. Mmmm. Bed spins. So not fun. #
• @lingo1126 oh man now complete strangers have it out for me! This makes the 3rd time this week someone’s lunch leftovers landed in my bag. #
• @ScooterGirl I know: awkward right? And yet there it is, unfolding like an Arthur Miller play, characters coming to life in front of me. #
• @popejephei plus one of that. I saw him introduce elton john. He was charismatic and engaging. He’s better tonight even w/ the 5 sec delay. #
• Up? Early. The kid? Awake for about 45 minutes. Song going through my head? The Ramones, Garden of Serenity. I am definitely on vacation. #
• Oh and for the record definitely not hung over. #
• OK now I have to do that thing I’ve been putting off. You know what maybe I’ll just take a second to check/update twitter ….. #
• First flight with the critter just about to get under way. #
• Braving sushi in Manchester nh. The miso soup is pretty good. All this to offset the baby car seat drama. National’s seats suck. Bought one. #

• @shobyabdi dude that’s nice work! Congrats! #
• The Critter awake and fed at 4:45a. This almost certainly means I need to take the early train in to work. And that I will run late for it. #
• ….and irrirtatingly my blog appears to be myteriously 500 ing. hmmmmmm…. #
• i hate troubleshooting websites. I know it was working last night. what happened between then and now? #
• broke down and submitted a support ticket-I hate doing that. But I hate it just a little bit less than trying to fix it myself. Go Dreamhost #
• OK i submitted that ticket almost 3 minutes ago and have yet to hear anything. C’mon people. This is my BLOG. My 3 readers will abandon me! #
• At a very salesy presentation at a user group. Unfortunately they also have rice krispy treats which means I’m not going anywhere. #
• @scootergirl beware — paybacks can be …. unpleasant. #
• @popejephei how about “omfg”? #

• @popejephei and I’m not even watching the convention! WAID-Posting videos! http://tinyurl.com/59atur #
• @popejephei this might be a case of if you can’t say anything nice……. #
• @joefromkenyon the real downside of the cute baby skunk siuation is that all of your Twitter followers will ping you for updates. “ping” #
• @popejephei Just a heads up–she lost. There’s nothing useful to be gained from fanning any waning flames. Maybe we could just let her rest? #
• @popejephei and I’m with you on Missouri. #

So I’ve had a few more successes after my Metra Lotto post the other day.  But earlier this week, on a later train that I’ve generally managed to be skipped over on, I had a bit of an adventure.

The conductor walked right by.  It was perfect.  I was convinced.

And then, just after the last stop before Union Station, he came around again.  I’m playing Texas Hold ‘Em on my iPhone.  And he stops right by me. In fact, just over my left shoulder.  I can see him out of the corner of my eye, try as I might to win a hand.

And he says, “Oh, I don’t think I got you yet, did I?”

He was clearly within the rules.  Almost like he knows about them and wanted to flaunt that knowledge.

I handed my over my 10 ride.  Damn.

So close.

He’s a clever one he is.

Or, and I would have gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for those meddling kids!

I bumped into my ex-wife on the way home from work yesterday.

No one was more surprised than the two of us. It had to be 7 maybe 8 years since the last time we actually saw each other or spoke in real time. So we grabbed a drink and caught up as much as we could before our 6p trains.*

Short version (which is all we had time for): we’re both fine; her kids are cute, my kid is cute; our extended families are fine.

So: “Angry”? Yeah. We married young, and for the wrong reasons.** It wasn’t exactly a train wreck but close enough. When it ended, I was angry. I had a lifetime of anger stored up and it came out. And it stayed out. I wasn’t just angry at her, but she caught most of it.

To put things in some temporal perspective, my masters degree took longer than the marriage. The marriage has now been over for more than three times longer than it lasted. I practiced karate (and have now not practiced it) longer than we were married.*** I have several shirts in daily rotation that I’ve owned for longer than we were together.****

At 24, no one in the world could have talked me out marrying her–not even a ghost of divorce future. It was a mistake, but one that I needed to make.

It’s nice to be far enough away from all that — one of my personal growing pains — to have been glad to run into her, to have enjoyed a few minutes catching up.

It’s nice to be not angry.

–

* No, gentle readers, I did not attempt to induct her into The Cult of The Metra Lotto.

** Other people who marry young do it for the right reasons and are fine — that just wasn’t us. What was mine? Other people were doing it. It seemed like “the next thing”. There were probably more but they don’t really matter at this distance.

*** Which, coincidentally, means that the time since my last bench press and now is not quite twice as long as we were married.

**** Upcoming post: Reid Carlberg, fashion icon.

• Taking a later train in today. To shake off last night’s strange dreams. The last had a large cast of characters from work. Behaving badly. #
• Forgot to icharge my iPhone. Which imeans I’m ilow on ijuice. itragedy! #
• @ScooterGirl A large cast heading to a client. The plot: Stopped at Starbucks for farfalle. They gave me $29 tortellini (6#s). Made me late. #

• looks like i have to dig a splinter out of my big toe. not looking forward to the self performed minor surgery that usually amounts to. #
• Oh. Dunkin Donuts has started referring to customers as a “tribe” (on NPR). Great-Now coffee is interrupted by an irritating marketing idea. #
• The AC repair guy who came out on friday ended up disconnecting a drain pipe. Condensation then drained into our ceiling. Mmm H2O damage.Fun #
• I hate marketing. Correction: I hate other people’s marketing. Mine is witty, insightful, uncommonly useful and definitely worth your time. #
• The Shhh sh sh sh sh I used to calm the kid has a tendency to put me to sleep. Oddly, the kid seems totally immune from it’s effect. #
• @popejephei my wife hates PHC but I like it. B/c of an act 2-3 years ago she now calls it River Dance. like @newilli I don’t own the shirt. #
• WAID? Listening to The Critter completely refuse to go to sleep. He’s tired. Just stubborn. #
• …and after 1.5 hours of trying I’ve given up on him taking the afternoon nap. He’s in a swing kickin’ his brains out. Seems happy enough. #
• The tomatoes in my garden are remarkably uniform in size, color and flavor. Very average in all three. Plants from Costco so not a surprise. #

Check out #5.  There it is again: EMF and their one hit.

Look, iTunes: yeah I know it fits with my purchase but let’s face it I want the song out of my life.  18 years of hearing it is quite enough.

Thanks! 

• ok burrito baby 6 aborted today due to cranky burrito baby. and we even had a special guest! oh well — next time. next window is 3 weeks. #
• @shobyabdi i considered going with I Had My First Abortion Today as a headline, but decided it would attract too many crazies. #

My wife, the hair stylist, turned on Tabatha’s Salon Takeover last night.  For those of you whose spouses are not in the hair industry, this a reality show similar to Kitchen Nightmares.  Tabatha, salon owner, goes into failing salons and turns then around.

Last night’s episode–the first–was ridiculously good.  Don’t believe me?  Let me explain.

Most salons are small businesses and the people who run them are susceptible to all the same errors other owners make.  Through my wife, I’ve seen salons come and go, and I’ve seen salon owners work really hard to mess up a good thing.

Ten Salon did exactly that.  But they also called Tabatha, which was a good thing to do, and you don’t need to be in hair to appreciate the advice they got.  (And judging from the comments on the blog, I’m not alone.)

* Don’t micromanage.  Ten had all these ridiculously detailed scripts.  If you feel the need to micromanage, you probably hired the wrong people.

* Trust your team.  If you hired them, you need to trust them.  That doesn’t mean you give everyone the keys to the castle, but you have to let your people do they’re thing.  The day you can’t trust them you need to let them go.

* Recognize talent.  Did one of your hires turn out to be an unexpected gem, like Louis, who wasn’t allowed on the floor yet because he wasn’t Ten certified?  Awesome!  Find a way to set them free.  They’ll do things you never imagined.

* Don’t over invest.  These guys had something like $750k invested into a salon.  You don’t need that.  And, as Tabatha pointed out, sometimes that $750k needs to be torn down because its ugly and holding you back.

* Love what you do. Or get out.  This was for the husband in Ten’s owner couple owner.  He didn’t care about hair and definitely needed to get out.  Plus his hair color was really bad.  Or so my wife says.

* Know when to ask for help.  And if you’ve waited too long, you should still ask for it.  These guys waited until they were $50k behind in rent.  $50,000!!!   Holy shit.  At least they finally asked for it, although who knows if they’re still in business.

One funny scene: one of the guys went toward Tabatha with the intention of hugging her.  She intercepted by putting her hands out in front of her.  Awesome.  Then when he was gone, to the camera, “That was terrifying. I thought he was going to hug me!”

The Lovely J and I were dying.

Anyway, despite it’s title and her platinum blond dominatrix schtick (or maybe because of it) I can guarantee you we will watch again.

PS Hey Ten Salon if you read this your website ISN’T iPHONE COMPATIBLE!!!!!! Noooooooo…………..  (it appears to be all Flash — not just a good thing)

PPS No I don’t know if her visit did any lasting good.  I hope so.  The owner did seem honestly interested in making it work.

• I’m growing tired of not having a cartoony twitter icon. where do you guys get those? maybe i need to break out the old photoshop chops. #
• @popejephei Tabatha’s Salon Takeover is on Bravo. If you liked Shear Genius, you’ll love Tabatha. C’mon you know you want to watch. #
• @tylersclark ah ha! so that’s what all the cool kids are doing-Thanks for the pointer-Looks like just a Mii ripoff. Probably more too it. #
• @popejephei you should not resist Tabatha. It may just be the best fix your hair salon reality show on television. *maybe* #haiku #
• @ScooterGirl shhh don’t tell. I’m also working on a script treatment about my dog’s facination with dead things. The Dead Squirrel Diaries. #
• @popejephei good morning, Pope! {the world} #
• Just when I decided I didn’t like the Travis album I am listening to the next song was decent. Started good anyway-Now it’s a little boring. #

• Killing time in whole foods by reading @popejephei on zee Twitter yo. #
• @popejephei I still have a lot of flight left in me. Is that an advantage to me from an evolutionary perspective? #
• Todays sheer genius is uncommonly riviting. Not only is the product placement just outstanding, the made up drama is really emotionally rich #
• @popejephei be sure to stick around for the winner to see who’ll make the final cut. get it? final “cut”? and they’re hair stylists? genius! #

• As in the 8th grade pretty much every time I try to look like I have my shit together I do something stupid. 25yrs of inoppprtune buffoonery #
• Fantastic argument with our VP sales. Fun way to start the day-not- but part of a healthy tension that exists in every company. #

• It’s been some time since I hung out downtown. They’ve made some great progress. Art institute coming along a is the blue cross addition. #
• I love Chicago ! #
• In other news I just chose to sit next to a jack hammering construction site. It’s like I hit the non peaceful zen lotto. #
• @fsponge maybe they’re launching the new k phone and just can’t handle the demand. #
• Great night drinking. Grabbed train at the last minute. Hopefully it’s the right one. Note: this message already texted so not original. #
• @kyct I can offer a guide to converting an old pc into a time clock. But that’s it. It wouldn’t route for shiite. #
• Judging from the passing scenery I have managed to get on the right train. However it hasn’t stopped anyplace yet. Could be a premature win. #
• Need yoghurt. Or maybe more buffalo wings. Or perhaps a defined benefit plan. Drunk tweeting FTW. The walk home should be fun. #
• The lovely wife surprised me with 1/2 of a chocolate chip brownie. Now that’s FTW. #
• @popejephei does that mean more frequent so you have less of a chance to get deep into your work in the first place? #
• @kyct buying a router is definitely easier-i suggest linksys-the loss of geek virtue/cred is offset by then doing something more interesting #
• Changing up my morning train shedule has been a boon to my metra lotto winnings. #
• Just had an awesome day at work. I love it when a plan comes together. #
• Key measure of professionalism: your job is not something someone tells you to do it’s something you want to do and happen to get paid for. #

So it’s happened.

The domain names I signed up for with the idea I wouldn’t have to renew them anytime soon are starting to expire. These include the non .com fivesticks domains as well as all three teamclock domains.

Part of me wanted to renew them. But push comes to shove it feels better to let them go.

It’s like I’m emimem and I’m cleaning out my closet. Yeah that’s right I said it

I may come to regret it what with all the domain name shortages but I doubt it.

In other news this is my first post using the iPhone word press plugin. Not too bad. But I’ll bet my spelling is worse than usual.

• @ScooterGirl yeah yeah yeah. It was actually a plea for attention. Please pay attention. Please. #
• Everything I know about golf I learned from gilligans island. Confused? See @scootergirl. #
• just testing. #
• @popejephei the olympics are never over. They just take a light siesta from time to time. #

• Switched my iPhone menus to German. Originally just so I could add an umlaut as a jöke. (when in doubt, umlaut). Amusing so I’m keeping it. #
• Special note: it may only be amusing because I’m I lansing. Then again, maybe umlauts are just funny. #
• Damn twitterific just ate my post. And it was good. In fact it was @hotdogsladies good. The world is a sadder place because of it. #
• 焼き鳥のことを読むと食べたくなるよね。 #
• Ok seriously I think everyone should put their iphones in german mode. You’ll be surprised at the websites which change slightly for i18n. #
• @popejephei A superhero for god? That’s like being an imaginary character for another imaginary character. Meta imaginary. But with tights. #
• Chillen in the qdobo parking lot with burrito baby. No I’m not getting a burrito that would be sacriledge. I’m getting a burrito bowl. #
• At a truckstop. Awesome. #

• Wish I were writing an iPhone app instead of driving late into the night. C’est la vie. #
• @popejephei go back to work sleep can almost always wait. #
• just left a Meijer in Dewitt MI. Holy crap is that just a giant store or what? It’s the size of a small airport. Like MHT. #

• Just had the best brownie ever. Grabbed it on the way out of the chi. Traffic sucks but the snacks are good. #

• @popejephei your tweets this morning are a public service. Now I too have voted. Done my civic duty. Too bad green wasn’t a color choice. #
• Pity the poor soul who always wins the Metra Lotto. Tho they ride free they miss out on the cat and mouse, the very essence of the game. #

I experienced an untoward exhilaration on the Metra this morning.  Why? Was it the attractive woman I sat next to?

No.

It was the purposeful stride of the conductor as he walked right past me, checking tickets, punching cards, etc.  Except mine.  He completely skipped me.

You see, I play the Metra Lotto and this morning, I was a big winner.

What’s the Metra Lotto?  It’s a game where I attempt to ride the local commuter rail without paying a fare.  That’s right.  I got this excited about not paying $2.  It’s the little things.

Why play?  Well, since Metra relies on humans and a manual system, you can guarantee that they are going to miss a certain number of riders.  The object is to be one of those riders they miss.

How do you play?  Some simple rules:

• Instead of a monthly pass, you purchase 10 ride passes.
• You must always have a valid pass with you.
• If a conductor makes a reasonable* effort at getting you to pay, you must pay.
• No arguing, no lying, no moving around.

*What reasonable?  If they attempt to make eye contact with me, I count that as reasonable and present my card.

What’s at stake?

Well, my winnings are slim.  I get a few free rides a week — maybe 13-14 rides on a 10 ride ticket.  I know a fellow player who’s best record is 21 rides.  I know another who almost never pays a fare on her morning commute.

This isn’t really about the money.  It’s about the same thrill as pocketing a glass from a favorite bar.  (I still have three from when I spent too much time at The Green Mill.)

It’s just entertainment.

• I missed the gmail outage and accompanying outrage. Of the various things I could have missed that is probaby he least problematic for me. #
• @ScooterGirl does a skunk with watering eyes smell worse than a regular one? About the same? #
• The walk from union station to Chicago and Orleans feels like an adventure ride through the land of the white headphones. #
• @popejephei In fairness the telemarketer did speak with a British accent even if they were calling from Dubai. #
• wait a min that was me. Or did Erez leave right after me?? #

• in fairness, no one could have predicted that eating six bacon wrapped sausage stuffed deep fried jalapenos could have turned out this way. #
• Up. Ellipticalled. Working on caffeinated. Next up: fed. #
• Oops: before fed — see what the calendar holds for the day. And maybe do some code. That sounds more awkward than it should. #
• @popejephi why else would you have named her “aria”? #
• Just installed twitterific on the iblackberry. Should make rapid tweet exchanges easier. #
• @popejephei you drive around with kayaks on your roof ? #
• The birthday girl at yesterday’s bowling. http://twitpic.com/7c1z #
• @thesqueeze @scootergirl Monday is starting with a suprise win on the metra lotto. I can only assume that your combined mojo is the cause. #
• @tylersclark howdy! how goes the battle with the steelworker diaries? #
• @tylersclark wait a minute you’re at barcamp on Monday at noon? Nice. Color me jealous. #

• only lasted a couple of hours at the poker tournament. on the upside, i made a couple of ridiculous errors during my short time. awesome. #
• Burrito Baby #5 - get it while it’s HOT - http://tinyurl.com/5q5ppg #
• @popejephei Awesome! Then when I trump my opponent and they complain this isn’t Euchre it’s Poker I can go all crazy and win the trick/pot. #
• @ScooterGirl Sorry, not ready for the shark jumping cross pollination of Burrito Baby & iDenial. Yet. #

• Battery on new iPhone still going strong on the first charge. I didn’t expect it to last. #
• And an hour later I just finished a single game of hold em. Nicely done game. #
• Burrito baby #5 filmed and ready for editing. #

• Put the kid down and he basically rolled over and went to sleep. Awesome. #
• since my plot to buy a phone this am was spoiled, I may attempt to buy one tomorrow morning. depends if I can get out of my 8:30. C’mon…. #
• today might be the iDay. #
• My taxi driver is humming “dancing queen”. #
• @thesqueeze happy birthday! #
• @scootergirl yo yo yo it’s my lucky iday #

• diapers purchased. formula purchased. yet another person appears have to bought an iphone before me. in fairness, I’ve kinda stopped trying. #
• So my wife says Hey did you see The Critter’s first tooth? And i sez to her i sez THESE THINGS GROW TEETH??! Holy moly they prob walk too. #
• @scootergirl …she twitters just as jimmy john’s walks (or saunters) in. #

• espresso maker mucked up this am. coffee slower than usual too appear. ohhhhhhh noooooooo. #
• long day of conference calls. getting super excited about dreamforce. journey — the band — will be cool, but they’re no modest mouse. #

• kid asleep. much writing done. shanghai knights, however, remains on the TV. So tempting, yet I think I’ll have to formally, finally, pass. #
• Full crowd scene on the metra milwaukee west this am. Uh oh-I wonder if this is the type of post that keeps me from winning the metra lotto. #

• i should be unloading the dishwasher& then loading it. then i should go to the grocery. then I should pick up dog poop. no not at the store. #
• Ne: i’m going to the grocery. My wife: “the grocery”? What - did you turn 80 today when i wasn’t looking??? #
• sitting out back, the critter taking a nap, me thinking about how to blogustrate the concept of refactoring. One post? Several posts? Hmmm. #
• time to deal with bills and other personal administrivia. #
• glasses that had been AWOL are now found. they had been buried on my desk under old business cards. mmmm. #
• side note the widget designed to sync my salesforce calendar with my google calendar has add a whole bunch of crap to it which really sucks. #
• the critter still totally asleep for his nap. I **love** when he takes the two hour naps! wait - does that make me a bad father? Hmmmm. #

If you’ve been paying attention, you might remember that sometime last week, someone I know used the term “derogate” to mean “subtract” instead of it’s more standard “to annul a law”. And when I say “more standard” note that as far as I can tell there’s no possible way it means “subtract.” I think they meant “degrade”, but even that isn’t as clear. “Reduce by one” would be sufficient.

Anyway, it’s Sunday, and I’m still thinking about it.

On the plus side, my obsessive repetition of “Stray Cat Strut” has calmed down.

Anyway, the how to portion:

1. Pick a rarely used word that I don’t know.
2. Use it incorrectly.
3. Force me to look it up in two or three sources.
4. All this should happen right before we won’t see each other for a few days so I can get really OCD about it.

Eh voila — you have now gotten under my skin.

• just cleaned the tub drain. pulled out a small raccoon like creature. I’m pretty sure it was still alive and, in fact, gaining strength. #
• kid & dogs walked. lunch eaten. several work things that didn’t get done yesterday got done today. kid napping. This American Life on. Nice. #
• @popejephei yeah but then i would have had to have had physical contact with it. and it was disgusting enough that I really didn’t want to. #

• @popejephei i think you do golf. just surreptitiously. you’re a surreptitious golfer. #
• and I still can’t find a pair of glasses that’s been awol all week. #
• Chicago Police resolve situation without violence or arrest: http://tinyurl.com/5rou3y #
• First metra lotto winnings in a month. Heard that @thesqueeze is on a near perfect record of free AM rides. I’m completely jealous. Somewhat #

The lovely J woke me up at 1:30a.  “Someone’s trying to break in!  I’ve heard someone trying to get in the front door.”

Fuck.

So I started The Sweep.  Being somewhat paranoid* I have a pattern of how I sweep the house.  I started it.  And when I got to the front room — it was empty.  But then I looked out the small window of the front door.

And there was someone sitting on our step.

Holy crap!  But — then again — if they’re just sitting there — what’s up?

It was our neighbor, whom we’ve seen wandering around drunk at 9a.  He lives four houses down.  And he thought this was clearly his place.

I go out and ask him to leave.

He says:

“No! This is my house!”

“Hey — you gotta dollar on the side?”

“Who — that’s right!  Good seeing you.”

“I’m an old man.  Get off of my propoerty.”

“How much did you pay for this place?”

“You know what? You’re kinda cute!”

And then he went back to trying to get in the front door. Only, this time, he took out a single, and attempted to feed it in, vending machine style.

“Hey — can you make this thing work? I gotta go to bed!”

That’s when J called the cops.  Oh yeah, the 911 operator started giggling when J described the scene.  Nice.

He was still at the stick a dollar in the door game when they arrived, about 5 minutes later.  They managed to get him off of my steps and back to his house with nothing more than some sharply toned verbal direction.  No arrest, no guns, no cuffs.  The right approach.

Hey Chicago Cops who showed up: Thanks, guys.  I appreciate the help.

Now I wonder what to say to the guy the next time I see him sober.  I’m pretty sure he’ll claim amnesia.  I’ll keep you posted.

* Being paranoid doesn’t mean no one is out to get you.