If you’ve been paying attention, you might remember that sometime last week, someone I know used the term “derogate” to mean “subtract” instead of it’s more standard “to annul a law”. And when I say “more standard” note that as far as I can tell there’s no possible way it means “subtract.” I think they meant “degrade”, but even that isn’t as clear. “Reduce by one” would be sufficient.
Anyway, it’s Sunday, and I’m still thinking about it.
So Allison decided to tag me. I could act curmudgeonly, but I find it kind of amusing. I’m not sure what I’ll be able to post here that I haven’t already. (True story: a candidate for a job came in the other day and said “Hey! I’ve learned a lot about you from your blog.” Great.)
Do I really need to dredge up Six More Things????
Yo, Hugh, Eileen, Kate, Dalia and The Pope: See below for your responsibilities here:
OK if you insist. Here goes.
1. The first girl I ever kissed was named Janae. I think that’s how you spell her name. She used to be a next door neighbor. Then she moved. That’s as far as that story goes.
2. In the third grade, I had a crush on this girl, Robin. We would sit in the back of the class holding hands while the teacher led us in military themed sing alongs. I never saw her again after that year.
3. In the fourth grade, I really liked this other girl, Julie. We would hang out during recess. When school ended, I found out we were moving to a bigger town and a different school. I rode my bike by her house a couple of times that summer but never worked up the courage to ring the bell. I have no idea what became of her.
4. There was this girl in Junior High — Rosie — who was odd. We used to pass notes back and forth to each other. They would be folded like arrows and had things like “TLF” and “TLA”. This was the seventh grade when Forever and Always seemed like manageable periods of time. It turns out she was also a bit violent. She once dragged me down the hall by the scruff of my neck. That was the end of the notes.
5. Once, in high school, a girl asked me to give her a ride home. It was standard issue Idaho winter: sunny, bright, cold as hell and packed snow on the road. I totally liked her and my head was awash with possibilities. She told me a little late to “turn here” in front of her house and when i turned I ended up going into several complete spins. The front of my car slammed into a 6′ tall snowbank and bent the fender far enough down that I couldn’t move the car. I had to bend it back out. It pretty much killed any possibility of non-car related activities.
6. I’ve never really like beets.
That’s it. Instead of bloggers, let’s get some comment writers involved. Yo, Hugh, Eileen, Kate, Dalia and The Pope. Between the six of you I’m sure we can come up with something.
So my good friend and frequent blog commenter Yo [something] sent me a survey and I forwarded it around to a few people I knew as well and before you know it OMG I had turned in to 17 year old girl.
I figure since Nufftin and The Pope are using this for blogfodder, I may as well succumb to the pressure and post it here.
Eileen: for some reason I don’t have your email. Feel free to respond in comments.
Kate: Loved getting yours. Looking forward to seeing you and S when you get back.
Yo [Something]: Thanks for kicking it all off! Remember Patrick? J forwarded to him and his answers were both a) completely filthy and b) hilarious.
Additional Rules: Farhan has to stop reading now. He can continue to read ONLY if he completes the survey and sends it to at least 4 people and copies me.
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
No.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Childbirth prep class. Ok–didn’t quite cry.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING
Meh
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Don’t have one.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
One on the way.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Probably. Although I’m a bit standoffish sometimes so it could be that we never even got a chance to talk.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A Lot?
I have never uttered a sarcastic phrase in my life.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS
Yes
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
Yes
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Razors and Oats
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
No. Yes. Oh god I don’t know. I can’t stand the pressure. Who makes up these questions????
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
Strong like BO on a Japanese subway late at night.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Cookie dough.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their outrageously beautiful feet.
15. RED OR PINK?
Blue.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
Too comfortable walking away from my past.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
Bigfoot.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU?
Sure. More importantly, send it to REDACTED (YO [SOMETHING'S] EMAIL).
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
It doesn’t matter.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Fuck I forgot to eat breakfast!
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
The sound of my own typing.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
I’m not a crayon.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
Garlic & Onions
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
The lovely J
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT .THIS TO YOU?
You bet.
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Professional Lacrosse, midget wrestling. OKOK — Little People Wrestling
OK well the title isn’t entirely accurate. I had a game that was entirely spares. Nothing else. No kidding. It’s irritating. Makes me thing the little Wii man is mocking me.
Or, alternatively, it’s just too early to be playing video games.
But I total beat Marco and Fumiyo in doubles tennis. I mean — damn — it’s like they’ve never picked up a racket.
Dear Most Secret Diary (or publicly accessible blog entry — whichever),
Even though this guy makes fun of them, I want to be a new media douche bag aka guru. (And you know what? Posting a video on YouTube making fun of NMD’s is pretty NMD itself.) Anyway, why? It sounds like easy, potentially high paying work, that would not require me to break a sweat. As a bonus, I might (emPHAsis added) have to go buy a new suit, which is always fun.
I’ve been hauling around a bunch of albums for years. The CD came into its own my freshman year of college, so I pretty much started buying those. But, even despite the fact that I have nothing to play them on and haven’t for some time, I have’t been able to give these up.
That all changes today.
Group 1 will be the overly complete (although still not 100% complete) Soft Cell collection. (Craigslist ad)
Group 2 will be Test Dept., the Legendary Pink Dots, and Scraping Foetus off the Wheel. (Craigslist ad)
Group 3 will be everything else — The Coolies, Dr. and the Medics (UK), Eurythmics, Hoodoo Gurus, and many other fine albums. (Craigslist ad)
* I don’t know if In Trade and Free are mutually exclusive. Probably. Whatever. I do what I want.
I was thinking this morning about kids who accomplish amazing things: the six year old who’s Charles Atlas’s twin, the concert pianist, the 12 year old math genius. And I decided that kids fall into three categories: standard kids, who are just kids; prodigies, who do these crazy things that all of us adults wish we could do but can’t; and standard kids who are pushed into being prodigies by their parents. Further, I decided that this last category — kids pushed by their parents — is probably larger than the group of true prodigies.
And here’s the amazing thing: I came to these conclusions with just a small amount of direct experience with actual children (I once was one, I have a niece) and no formal training in anything that might help me reach these conclusions in some kind of what you might call reasoned way (early childhood development, child psychology). Amazing!
That’s when it hit me: The Power of Raw Supposition, the ability to jump to conclusions unencumbered by mundane facts or — what’s it — science, is a revolutionarily great thing. Rather than spending a bunch of time researching and understanding, you just go right to what you suppose is reasonable. Then — and here’s the important part — stick to it. Or, if it’s more expedient, change your mind. Whatever. After all, this is supposition.
Wow. I could have skipped my entire education. Think of the savings! Let’s take it a step further: think of the savings if we all skipped our education and just started using The Power of Raw Supposition? It would be huge. And we could spend more money on consumer good, like televisions and video games.
This calls for a new book: The Power of Raw Supposition: Guess Your Way to a Better Life. Watch for it on Amazon.
(Oh — and just found these. Very nice, even if a little off topic. Look, a giraffe!)
